Where Do Wetsuit Farts Come From?

Funny you should ask! Come on over, son, and sit on my knee. Pull my finger and I'll tell you a tale...

According to extensive scientific research involving garden hoses and gas masks, wetsuit farts occur when the airborne petroleum molecules contained in neoprene are "inhaled" into a surfers rectum during a session. If the surf is particularly hairy, more of this "neo-steam" intake occurs, due to increased tightening of the sphincter muscles.

This noxious gas, as denoted by the green clouds in the diagram above, is held in the colon and lower intestine for an hour or two until expulsion occurs later in the day. The resulting flatulance--or "farts," to the layman--have a distinctive rubbery odor that reminds the surfer and anyone else within whiffing distance of his morning go-out.

Tune in next week kids, when delayed sinus drainage is explained in, "Is There an Ocean Up My Nose?"