The Hard Body Blues

Fish by Mabile
Wetsuit by Axxe
Log by Junod
Shorts by Birdwell
Body by Bowflex®

Wow. The New York Times seems to be in love with surfing lately. This story just takes things a bit too close to the Meat Packing District.

Venice Pier Bungee Jumper

What happens when you attach your leash while sitting on the edge of the Venice pier and don't happen to notice it getting wrapped around the railing before taking the plunge?

Find out in the complete sequence at The Blue Shack.

I don't know what's worse: the pain, the embarrassment, or the fact that this dude is wearing a hood in 70-degree SoCal weather. And not just paddling straight out.

Thanks, Adrian!

Caveman Club

A few years ago, we had this idea to try and make a surfboard without using any traditional tools, materials, plans, or help from Swaylock's. We were going to make a movie of the whole process and then actually try to surf the boards. I thought it would be a pretty funny idea — just really trying to imagine what would make a surfboard work, rather than copying the exact dimensions of something we found online. I called it "Caveman Club" and did some drawings of what the logo/movie title might look like. The idea never got off the ground.

Then, a few months ago, I found out I finally made it on Daily Donkey. I was stoked that despite the passing of years, the apeman in me was still alive and well.

The 10 Commandments of Oregon Surfing

Having just crossed the threshold of 100,000 visits on Sissyfish -- and having been busted for kooking-out almost as many times -- I thought it might be good time to compile a list of the top 10 rules that everyone who picks up a soft top and rental suit should know before paddling out in Oregon. I'll start, and you guys can add to the list. Hopefully by the end we'll have something definitive, sacred, and infallible that we can chisel into a couple redwood blanks and hold over our heads at the crest of Cape Neahkahnie.

1. THOU SHALT NOT NAME, PHOTOGRAPH, (OR WRITE POETRY ABOUT) SURF BREAKS.

2. THOU SHALT NOT PARK IN THAT LOT.

3. THOU SHALT NOT PADDLE OUT WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON.

4. THOU SHALT NOT HAVE A COLORED WETSUIT OR BOARD.

5. THOU SHALT NOT DISRESPECT THY LOCALS OR THY OLD CRUSTIES.

6. THOU SHALT NOT OVERESTIMATE THY ABILITY.

The rest is up to you... GO!

Hollywood Wipes Out Again: Knight Rider

In case you missed it last night, the new Knight Rider Episode "Knight of the Iguana" featured some of the kookiest surf moments Hollywood has ever put on film. From shots of Mavericks and Pipe representing Todos Santos, Baja, to Kitt rolling "inconspicuously" with boards strapped to the roof, to "Mike" laying on his board with his legs spread eagle, radioing to Kitt to find out how to stand up as a huge setwave bears down on him.

The dialogue in the show made Johnny Utah's surf-speak in Point Break feel authentic. Here's one of my favorite quotes:

"Seems to me you gotta live life like surfing a wave. Some are big, some are small, but in order to ride any of 'em, you gotta let the wave take you."

"But what if it takes you somewhere you shouldn't go?"

"Heh. Shouldn't is a word that isn't in my vocabulary."

Please, somebody, capture this video on the Knight Rider website before the show gets cancelled. It's an all-time classic to be filed alongside surf gems like:

The North Shore
Point Break
Gidget (TV)
Surf School
Blue Crush
Batman Surfing

If you don't have 45 minutes to devote to the rerun online, you can see the trailer HERE.

Mexican Blooper Fiesta

So here I am, still posting about Mexico because, frankly, I have no other material. Above is one of my many attempts to squeeze into a tiny toob. Hey, I may be wearing a lip sombrero, but my arm got totally shacked and my hand is still claiming it.

Stop, drop, and roll.

Our housekeeper hid the key to the front door, then left a big note on the front door telling us where the key was. Under the mat.

Oops. She wasn't going to make the section... uh... yeah. This serves a a permanent reminder not to get pissed when people accidentally drop in on me. The expression on her face says it all: "Oh no he di-in't!" Trust me, her wave count was still higher than anyone else out that day. My most embarrassing shot ever.

We drove about 50 miles and when we got out of our car, realized that the back straps had come undone on our boards. This is how we found them...

The "O" face.

Kook Power!

During my last surf session, I must've heard the word "kook" used fifty times. On a log in front of the break the words, "Kooks Go Home!" is sprayed as a warning to anyone who doesn't understand the rules of the spot. When two kids in hoodies walked out on the rocks and tried to snap a picture, a barrage of "Fuck you, kooks!" and "No photos, kooks!" was thrown at the duo, who immediately lowered their camera and scurried back to the parking lot. The locals jokingly called eachother "kooks" when they blew waves or didn't make sections.

I sat in the lineup and felt somehow that after three years of paying my dues, I had earned the waves I got. But there was a time not too long ago that I was proud of being a kook.

When I started surfing, it had nothing to do with being cool or becoming a shredder. It was all about getting out of town with the boys and sharing crazy experiences. My first stick was a big plastic banana board with a flimsy 6-foot leash. I was so content to roll in my 4/3 wetsuit (bought at an online clearance house), get worked on the inside closeouts, surf tiny waves, and hoot and holler at every good set that came through, whether anyone was riding or not.

As a matter of fact, after thumbing through a couple surf mags and seeing the horrible ways surfing was being marketed to the masses, I decided that looking like a surfer was the last thing I wanted to do.

But I did get stoked. I surfed more and more and for longer sessions. My equipment changed gradually to a custom 7'0 egg, then to a 6'6 hybrid shape. Now I pull a $700 quad fish out of my bag and wear a 6/5 super-stretch hooded suit. I pick surf spots based on studying the online charts and don't even bother driving out to the beach if the swells are over 15 feet (we used to just go and play in the reforms).

Have I changed that much? I still think that mass-marketed surf culture is a joke, but now I try to support artisan shapers and buy quality outdoor gear. I get longer sessions because I'm warmer and better waves because I need them to satisfy my somewhat higher level of surfing. I know more about equipment and what works for me in the conditions we have up here.

Am I still a kook?

I still hoot at strangers on waves and grin from ear to ear after good rides--or good wipeouts. I look like a hodad most of the time (in and out of the water). I have no desire to boost airs.

If those things make me a kook, then I guess I still am--or at least I hope so.

The Kooks - Seaside

Blame It on the Board

This is a picture of me waxing up my 6'6" hybrid swallow tail "Evo" model board from Hammersurf. I used to fondly refer to it as the Green Bean, having named all my previous boards after fruit (The Banana, The Blueberry). But after last weekend, I decided to rename this board The Banana Slug. When I first got this board two years ago, it seemed impossibly fast and squirrley - a far cry from my stable 7-foot and 8-foot fun boards. Now, after riding a quad that is almost a foot shorter than this, the board feels cumbersome and stiff. Like a raisin sliding through cold oatmeal.

Last weekend was the first time I'd ridden the Slug in months. The waves were big and fast all three days, requiring speed to make freight-training sections. The days where I surfed backside were the worst. I've never been incredibly comfortable with my back to the wave, but this was ridiculous: I watched other surfers generate speed backside, clearing sections and getting tubes, but when I dropped into the reeling rights, I would start my bottom turn and get hammered by the lip (did I mention that I'm riding a Hammer?).

Granted, I wasn't doing what I knew I should: grabbing my rail and twisting my torso (kinda like my position in the picture above), but I still wasn't making waves that I thought I might be able to on my quad (The Plantain). Even on the last day of our trip, when we were surfing the barrelling lefts of a certain mysto spot, I couldn't get in early enough and have time to pump down the line before the wave chewed me up and spat me out.

Is it the board?

Is it my wimpy arms?

Is it my lack of skill in technical waves?

How big a wave can I surf on my 5'8 quad?

One consolation was that almost all my other surf chums who I talked to about the surf last weekend were having similar issues. Maybe we were just all knocking off our collective rust. But I'm still claiming that this board could be a little big for me. Anybody want to make an offer? It's never been dinged!

New Pornographers - Use It